


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by QueenKass



Series: SidGeno Christmas [3]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 02:40:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17051513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenKass/pseuds/QueenKass
Summary: “Hey Sid, it’s Taylor again. Listen, I really think you should get out of your house for Christmas. You can come visit mom and dad with me? Or maybe me and you can take a quick trip over the break? Please, just don’t spend the holiday alone okay. I’m worried about you.”





	I'll Be Home For Christmas

“Hey Sid, it’s Taylor again. Listen, I really think you should get out of your house for Christmas. You can come visit mom and dad with me? Or maybe me and you can take a quick trip over the break? Please, just don’t spend the holiday alone okay. I’m worried about you.” Sidney listened to the voicemail, his hand clenched around his phone almost tight enough to break, squeezing his eyes shut, and leaning his forehead against the fridge. “I love you, call me back when you can.” Sidney sighed and thought about calling Taylor back, he knew he should, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he deleted the message and sank down to the floor, scrolling through his voicemails to the same one he did every time, the last one.

“Hey Sid, going to pick up groceries real fast after practice, know you sad about injury and getting sent home, maybe I bring you surprise yes? Cheesecake make you not so pouty? See you soon, Я люблю тебя.” Sid had listened to the recording so many times he could hear each syllable, each rise and fall, each little breath that Geno took, perfectly in his head. He sat there playing the recording over and over, closing his eyes, getting lost in the same dangerous fantasies that maybe if he listened to it enough he’d somehow change his past self's mind and call Geno back, make him stay at the store just a few more minutes, maybe if he listened to it enough Geno would just keep talking to him, tell him that he was home and walking through the door, maybe if he kept listening he would just get so lost in his voice he’d never have to open his eyes and hear another sound again.

Sid and Geno had been dating for a little over a year. They had wanted to take things slow at first, to make sure it wouldn’t affect the team and how they played and to really see if they worked together as a couple, but they already knew they were it for each other right at the beginning. It had always been them two, just waiting for one to make the move, to finally take that step, and now they finally had. They moved in together after about four months and it had been perfect.

They understood the commitments each had to playing hockey, to the team, to winning, but they still came home to each other each night, still came together in perfect sync. They weren’t close to retiring anytime soon, but they had talked about it, about everything. They talked about coming out, getting married, having children, retiring at the same time, building a life together.

But now those plans were gone.

Geno had been driving home from the grocery store while Sid was at home watching tape; he had a minor injury, would miss a handful of games, but he could still offer pointers and critiques for how to play against the upcoming teams. He listened to Geno’s voicemail and figured he didn’t need to call him back, he’d be home soon, and set his phone back down on the table. After another half hour had passed Sid began to wonder what was taking Geno so long, but assumed he must’ve just got held up by some fans or maybe there was traffic, so again, he didn’t call and set his phone back down. As more time passed, Sid began to worry. As if on instinct he reached for his phone and it began ringing as soon as it was in his hand.

“Hello?” Sidney didn’t recognize the number except for the Pittsburgh area code, usually he wouldn’t answer but he felt the need to now.

“Hello, am I speaking to Mr. Crosby?” The voice said, calm but clearly strained, it set Sidney on edge, his whole body was beginning to tense up, as if it knew what was happening before he did.

“This is he”

“Mr. Crosby, you might want to sit down.”

And just like that, Sidney’s world had been shattered.

Geno had been hit by a driver texting on their phone, they didn’t notice the red light and slammed head on into the left side of Geno’s car. Only the driver had survived. A part of Sidney hated them, hated them for not paying attention, for hitting Geno, for surviving. Why did they get to keep living after their mistake? Why did they get to go home to their family afterwards?  While Sidney was left with alone.

That was at the end of November, only about a month had passed, but it felt like a lifetime, the days seemed to stretch on and on and Sidney just couldn’t bear it.

Sidney had always been able to throw himself into hockey, whatever happened, he had hockey. But sometime through the years, hockey began to mean Geno, playing with Geno, winning with Geno; Geno became his new constant.

He thought about going back to play, but he couldn’t, he needed time away; maybe he’d just retire. He never thought he’d have to play hockey without Geno and he didn’t think he even could. He couldn’t face all the fans in the arena with their sad faces and posters of condolences, he couldn’t stomach the thought of looking up and seeing a banner in the rafters, retiring Geno’s number forever with a small “1986-2018” printed underneath.

Sidney finally got up from the floor when his phone began to die. He went upstairs and dropped onto the bed, laying on Geno’s side like he had been every night for the past month, wishing that he would feel his warmth one last time. He couldn’t bear to lay on his own side of the bed, to feel that emptiness across from him, staring at him all night.

Christmas was in a week and Sidney didn’t really care. It would be his first Christmas without Geno, even when they weren’t together, they would still exchange gifts and have some sort of dinner at one of their houses, usually watch a Christmas movie on TV until they fell asleep on the couch. Now that was gone, Geno was gone, and Sidney felt so empty, at first, he had been depressed and angry, but now he just felt hollowed out.

He didn’t want to spend Christmas with anyone, he’d probably spend the day in bed, listening to the same recording, going through Geno’s clothes, trying to find one that still smelt like him. That was the only thing of his he touched, he didn’t want to go through all his things, to clear his stuff out, that would make it all too real. Instead Sidney left it as it was, as Geno left it, so that it was like he was still here, that he might come back and he’d find all his stuff just the way he left it and he’d smile down at Sid and curl up next to him on the bed.

Sidney began to shake with sobs, not even knowing how much time was passing. He stopped when his phone began to ring and saw that Taylor was calling him again, he debated answering, if just to tell her that he was going to say home for Christmas, but he was too exhausted to even manage that, he just let it ring until the room was silent again. Sidney laid there until the quiet was too overwhelming, too real, he got up and went to the closet to grab one of Geno’s old sweatshirts when he noticed something behind the stack of clothes that he hadn’t seen before.

It was a small gift wrapped in Christmas paper with a sticker that said “To Sidney, From Geno,” Sidney wasn’t sure what to do, to open it and see what Geno had bought for him, or to leave it, another piece of Geno that Sid could leave just as it was to try to preserve Geno’s presence.

Sidney decided to open it, whatever it was, Geno wanted him to have it, and so Sidney would, whatever was in it, he’d keep it with him. When he unwrapped and opened the box, a small velvet case was inside. Sidney’s breath stopped as he opened the case and saw a platinum band sitting inside.

For the smallest split second, he felt pure joy, Geno wanted to marry him, he was going to propose, images of a wedding flashing through his mind and warming him inside, excitement at getting to marry the man he loved, until the images faded and reality came crashing down even harder. Sidney fell to his knees, crying and yelling into his hands, the small box still held tight. The wedding would never happen, Geno would never propose, and Sidney would never get a chance to say yes.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I just couldn't get the idea out of my head. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr! thegreatgretzky


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